We live in a generation of citizens hanging on to the poor speech patterns of a president, while eating freedom fries and waiting with bated breath for the subsequent news update about Anna Nicole Smith or Paris Hilton. The general populace is now too tired and dull to stand up for their rights; simply because if they do, they will miss out on the new installment of American Idol or Fear Factor. Stupidity and ignorance, it seems, has become a prevalent problem of epidemic proportions. We are becoming an idiocracy.
Mike Judge, creator of Office Space and Beavis and Butthead, identifies and understands this syndrome only too well: it was the subject material of his most recent film, Idiocracy. The premise is simple: take an average individual, cryogenically freeze them, and witness hilarity when they thaw out five hundred years later. However, in Judge’s film, human advancement has taken a startling turn, transforming society into a population of idiots that have become dumbed-down in the course of the ages.
The progression is what is often referred to as dysgenics. It is a controversial term that is not recognized universally in science. Dysgenics is the evolutionary deterioration of a species due to natural selection, or negative selection. In Mike Judge’s tale, the model applies to humanity.
Though it is clear that Judge was actually examining the dumbing-down of contemporary society, there are signs that social intelligence is on the decline. It is hard not to see that when you’re encircled by brainless dim-wits.
Civilization is heading for its own idiocracy in real life… and here are some modern signs that it is becoming a reality:
Daily Show & Colbert Viewers more informed than Fox News viewers
The Pew Research Group performed a survey during the early part of 2007 to find out which television news program / station audiences were more knowledgeable about current affairs on the domestic front and abroad. With the outcome showing a sign of the times, viewers of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report topped the list. Fox News was at the bottom of the list with local TV news and network morning shows.
Mainstream News: it is not news, it’s idiocracy.
Woman caught faking “Slip and Fall” in Grocery Store
We have all been informed of the stories of people entering a store, slipping and falling, and then suing the store for grievances, damages, and negligence. A few weeks ago, a lady in Sunrise, Florida did just that. She slipped and fell. The store owner went back and assessed the security camera tapes, only to find that the lady herself had poured olive oil on the ground beforehand to stage her own fall. It was all a scam, but she got caught. Conversely, perhaps she was just trying to make her own Slip ‘N Slide in the store for recreational purposes. Maybe she ought to have tried it Costco, and gone to law school while she was there…
Slip and Fall Scammers: endeavoring to bring idiocracy for frivolous lawsuits.
The RIAA and the MPAA
They are striving to force universities to punish and/or hand over names of students using P2P technologies, and they have tried to sue dead people, and people that do not even own computers. The scourge that is the collective “might” of the RIAA and the MPAA may seem formidable to some – but many see their dealings for what they are: greedy motivations to create further frivolous lawsuits as a means by which to “rule by fear”.
The **AA: The true commencement of Corporate Idiocracy
Vegans starve baby on Soy Milk diet
Two parents were found guilty in infant murder after their six week old baby died of undernourishment. The vegans were feeding the infant a diet of apple juice and soy milk. It is a sad tale, but it’s a sign of the times. Sometimes people follow popular trends to the detriment of those around them. If only they visited Carl’s Jr…
Brainless parents giving vegans a bad name: nutritional idiocracy
The Potter Addicts Declare Their Vulnerabilities
July 2007 was Harry Potter month across the earth, with the release of the film adaptation of The Order of the Phoenix and the exceedingly anticipated release of J.K. Rowling’s final book in the series. One fan apprehensive about being exposed to book spoilers, posted a plea at Digg.com stating, “Digg users, please do not submit Harry Potter 7 spoilers. Seriously; it is very disrespectful to the many people who also visit this site and also read the books. So Digg Users, if you agree that they should not post the spoilers on this site, digg this“. What happened instead was, perhaps, inexorable. Within hours, people started posting new topics with Harry Potter spoilers abundantly – some real, some false. Days later, people were posting them in the comments of practically every story on the front page; despite some individuals’ best efforts to bury them, the spoilers were, for the most part, inescapable.
Digg user and Harry Potter fan Cahill: Pwned by idiocracy… may have been better to not say anything.
Porn Star blogs with reference to encounter with Tennessee Trooper
So, a Tennessee cop pulls a young lady over for speeding. It turns out she is an internet porn star. One thing leads to another, and the cop throws some of the charges in trade for oral sex. You have probably heard stories like this before, and would perceptibly think that would be the end of the encounter. Not so: the ‘erotic actress’ in question, Barbie Cummings, elected to blog about the encounter on her web site. The trooper found out and boasted about his conquest to his buddies, which resulted in word-of-mouth spreading the news that he let off a porn star for sexual favors. Video footage of the alleged incident surfaced on free adult video web sites. The media picked up on the report, and before you knew it, savvy internet surfers were digging for more information from Barbie’s web site and her MySpace page. At the same time as she enjoyed the extra media exposure, the cop enjoyed suspension from work. Perhaps she may be considering a career in Starbucks…
Online Coverage of Cops enjoying sexual favors: Idiocracy goes digital; would you like a donut with that latte?
Britney Spears Shaves Her Head
It was February, 2007; Barack Obama was on the campaign trail, Scooter Libby was underneath the microscope, and more scrutiny and criticism was being raised about the Bush Administration‘s rationale behind the development of the Iraq invasion. There was a historic agreement between Hamas and Fatah at Mecca, global discussions were beginning to look possible with North Korea, and Putin was making some very concerning remarks about the United States. All of this was very significant information. What was the lead story on most of the major networks throughout the week of February 13 through February 19? That Britney Spears shaved her freaking head and ended up in rehab. You never know though: the likeness may end up being permanently etched onto currency.
Worldwide Media: Force-feeding you idiocracy for breakfast so that you do not cultivate an opinion on world events.
The Digg Revolt
After Digg administrators acted in accordance with a request made by the AACS-LA, via lawyers, by removing a post revealing the hex-decimal code to circumvent DRM issues on HD-DVDs, the Digg revolt of 2007 began. At first, it was a few uneasy users protesting against censoring and banning users. Unfortunately, their labors took on a snowball effect. Initially, the increasing mob mentality was humorous… but it expanded into Johnny Knoxville and his Jackass crew invading Digg: the front page was inundated with false stories for hours. Following the revolt, the readership of Digg doubled, earning the site a place in the Top 40 most visited sites. Unfortunately, it ended up in further posting nonsensicality, such as LOLcats slang. The “non-news” posts hitting the front page has amplified exponentially, much to the distaste of many long-term Digg users. Welcome to Diggocracy.
The HD-DVD Protesters: inundating Digg.com with idiocracy and cheezburgrs
Believe it or not, there IS really an official Texas Redneck Games
Welcome to the games where the “athletes” renounce the shot-put and instead participate in the “Mattress Chuck“; an event where partners knock back a dozen beers, drive a pickup truck, and finally crawl into the truck bed and fling a mattress. Oh, yes, and apparently the highlight of the entire event is the “butt-crack competition”. This is most likely the influence for the movie, Ass.
Texas Redneck Games: One of the many ancestors of Idiocracy’s Rehabilitation
The Sad Case of Julie Amero
Contemplate for one moment that you are like substitute teacher Julie Amero. You have an imperfect knowledge of computer-use. You are working for the day in a classroom of seventh grade students. After checking with a school employee if it was okay to do so, you switch on the class computer; the staff member logs you in and tells you to not shut down the PC, as you don’t have a login to get back into the system. Sounds fine so far, right? On the day in question, at some point Amero moved away from the computer and returned to the classroom to find a group of kids surrounding the workstation. On-screen were pornographic pop-up adverts: the kind usually produced by spyware. Despite the fact that Julie did her best to close down the windows, and sought after assistance from other staff members, she was arrested and charged with numerous counts of “impairing the morals of a child”. It gets worse: she was convicted. To cut a long story short (which should not have been a long story to begin with), much later, the ruling was overturned after a group of computer geeks (with help from the fueled online uproar that was generated by tech heads) provided further evidence of the issues that can be produced by malicious spyware on a PC. Julie Amaro may be free now… but she should have been spared from all of this ignorant and excessive torment to begin with. What are you objectifying about?
The Legal System: continuing to show signs of heading towards an idiocracy
Elementary Principal lobs excrement at a child
In April 2007, news surfaced from Toronto that Maria Pantalone, a 49-year-old elementary school principal (also sister of Toronto Deputy Mayor Joe Pantalone), pleaded guilty to flinging human feces on a child who was not a student of her school. She was suspended from duties with pay after the episode. One would imagine that admitting guilt to such an incident would bring an educator to facing some severe penalties. Instead, after Pantalone had pleaded guilty the Judge granted her a full release on assault charges, stating that she “had suffered enough through the ordeal”. Because, of course, throwing a human turd is suffering and punishment enough, right?
Poo Flinging Principals: Emulating chimpanzee activities all in the name of education for the new idiocracy!
1 in 5 Americans think the Sun revolves around the Earth
The website for 8BM recently published a tirade discussing politics and weighing in whether the general populace of the USA had the intellect to consider voting decisions based on their knowledge of the issues being argued. During the article, political scientist Jon D. Miller stated, “American adults in general do not understand what molecules are (other than that they are really small). Less than a third can identify DNA as a key to heredity. Only about 10 percent know what radiation is. One adult American in five thinks the Sun revolves around the Earth, an idea science had abandoned by the 17th Century“. This kind of thinking is akin to somebody believing that an elevator does not go up and down, but rather, the floors of the building move up and down to you. Mix this eye-opening revelation with the mass media’s exploitation on who turns out to be the “favorites” of the presidential election campaign, and it is already unmistakable that hope is lost. Thankfully, there are a few people who fully comprehend the issues behind the forthcoming election: all of them have heads like peanuts.
The voting population: idiocracy on the rise
Man Robs NH bank disguised as a tree
Duct taping tree branches to his body, a man entered a New Hampshire bank in July 2007 for the purpose of robbery. He made off with an unrevealed amount of cash. At the end of the day, it did not matter how much cash he ran off with: the dye pack in the money bag exploded; and the man was soon tracked down and arrested by authorities. Someone needs to go back in time and set up a savings account for this dumbass.
Bank Robbing Ent: Bringing idiocracy to crime so much that he might as well have turned himself into authorities, instead of turning himself into a tree
The MySpace Bash from Hell
Many people are concerned with confidentiality when it comes to the Internet. We keep our private data as secure as possible by (surprise, surprise) not making it available. 17-year-old Rachael Bell from the UK determined to give out her home address on MySpace for the party to end all parties. Her mother was visibly unimpressed with the £25,000 repair bill required to fix the damage. How bad was it? Go and have a look at some of the MySpace pages out there and how vomit-inducing the design is. Okay, well, that destruction wasn’t exactly THAT bad – but it sucked. The only thing that would have made this celebration complete if that guy from “Ow My Balls” made an appearance.
MySpace: It’s like GeoCities, but for the idiocracy
2007 Boston Mooninite Panic
In a guerrilla marketing attempt, people working for Cartoon Network positioned LED placards across the nation in promotion for the Aqua Teen Hunger Force film. When they were discovered, most people familiar with the show were humored. Not so in Boston: the police force panicked and incorrectly identified the harmless, yet well lit, placards as improvised explosive devices. Evacuations and highway shutdowns took place; putting the people of Boston in a concerned position. When it turned out the cops made asses out of themselves, they detained two men for the guerrilla marketing stunt. The highlight of the entire debacle was their press conference, in which they would only chat about the topic of “Hairstyles of the Seventies”. Despite the humor, if sent to the future, these two young chaps would most likely be the smartest men in the world. Lucky they were not required to have barcodes tattooed on their wrist.
The Boston Police Force: bringing forth your modern idiocracy
College Kids Scores 0/100 On a True or False Final
We have all had to take the good old “true or false” examinations in school: A or B on the answer sheet will represent True or False. The website, CollegeHumor.com, posted one specific test in which the college student undertaking the test (his name, according to the sheet is Michael Benson), responded with all C’s. Needless to say, the guy got 0 out of 100. The professor replied to the student’s “effort” with an e-mail, in which he stated, “May God have mercy on your soul”. How many buckets do you have?
Michael Benson: your immaculate example of idiocracy in tertiary studies
Police lock up rape victim for two days
Near the beginning of 2007, a 21-year-old woman in Tampa was raped. Police responded to the unpleasant incident, but despite the fact the woman had been sexually assaulted, they discovered she had two outstanding warrants. So they arrested her; and she was jailed for two days. While behind bars, the woman requested to be administered the morning-after pill to avoid pregnancy from the rape. This request was refused by one of the jail workers, because of this individual’s spiritual objections to the medication. The case is outrageous and highlights the endless stupidity of some people who work in positions of power.
Tampa Police: If the felons will not rape you, our judicial idiocracy will
Fans elated with White Stripes show where only one note was played
A one note concert: What the hell is up with that? Some flaunted the event as a great moment, but seriously, it was neither amazing nor momentous. The crowd gathered, the band showed up, and they played one note. They walked off-stage and left. The crowd cheered loudly. Please tell me how this is any dissimilar from walking into a theater, watching a movie about an ass that farts once or twice. Next thing you know, they’ll win the Grammy…
White Stripes: Music for the idiocracy
Police officer tries to gun down a snake – kills 5-year-old boy instead
In a recent tragic circumstance in Oklahoma, a little boy was killed from a stray bullet intended for a snake. The shooter was a police officer, who had elected to use his handgun to take care of the reptile. The issue is still under investigation, as the officer has been placed on administrative leave. As the story gained national coverage, the public sorrow of the incident quickly turned into outrage when the City Manager of Noble, OK stated, “It might be a bullet from someone else”. The story is very sad and very tragic, but made even more so with the information that it was caused by an extremely stupid mistake.
The motto of an idiocracy: Hey y’all, watch this
CNN discards Michael Moore for Paris Hilton
Love him or hate him: you just cannot ignore Michael Moore. CNN, on the other hand, thought otherwise. Moore was scheduled for a discussion about his film SiCKO on Larry King Live. As fate would have it, Paris Hilton was released from prison and CNN scored the first interview. So they dumped the guy who wanted to talk about the state of America’s health care system, in favor of a selfish trust fund baby made well-known for DUI’s amongst other things. The interview with Moore was rescheduled for a later time – but CNN made a very plain statement to the world with their actions.
CNN: Bringing you dumbass bimbo idiocracy 24 hours a day
The Creation Museum
The only thing that is funnier than the philosophy of intelligent design: a museum that touts it as the “be all, end all” theory. It is an attempt to discredit the ‘heinous lie’ that is evolution. People are actually paying to see this place. The visitors keep congregating to the place in what has been termed by many people as “Yabba-Dabba Science”. This is your Museum of Fart moment.
Intelligent Design: Idiocracy at its oh-so-lamest